You knew better. You tried desperately to suppress your feelings, but you couldn’t resist. You stumbled into the depths of love and now you’re screwed. Every time you told yourself to pull back, to let go, to forget about it … you didn’t. Some irresistable force drew you there in spite of your best efforts to sever the connection.
The temptation lies in the surety that the two of you have something special. It’s impossible to deny that intangible spark, the ease of knowing you can be wholly yourself with another human. You discuss, with stark honesty and curious depth, the subjects you barely touch upon with most others. No matter how you attempt to pull away, this person senses you’re becoming distant and reaches out to you. Hardest of all, the two of you effortlessly make each other collapse into giggle fits of delight. It’s maddening. It’s intoxicating. It’s terribly hard to resist.
You long to let it go. It’s killing you knowing that no matter how badly you want it, the situation would go entirely sour. You enjoy exploring each other’s minds, but that process reveals that you need different things. It’s not about money, or time, or space, or emotion. Even if you transcended all of the superficial obstacles, even if you admitted the way you yearn for each other, you could never align your differences.
You’ve always liked a challenge, but your common sense tells you that you have to give this one up. There is far too much at stake – a lovely friendship, for one. For another, the happiness and truth of two very separate individuals. You adore this human’s inner workings, but that doesn’t mean they can coexist with your own. Every single day you hold a stern meeting between your heart and your brain and you reconcile the fact that it isn’t meant to be. Then that aggravatingly special someone brings sunlight into your life yet again with some small word or gesture, and all your internal work is for naught. You’re a fool and you know it, but you cannot harness feelings born of a wildly stubborn heart that wants exactly what it shouldn’t.
So you keep hurtling down this stupidly destructive path, ignoring all the signs that you should do precisely the opposite. You like the giddy anticipation even though you know it’s bad for you. Your heart aches every single day because you don’t know how to stop loving this person despite the fact that you intrinsically comprehend – for a fact – that you’re doomed to crush your own heart into a billion tiny fragments if you keep on.
Know that, in spite of your embarrassment and shame, you are not crazy. When your soul and heart cry out for something within another being, it is the most difficult task in the world to remain strong enough to ignore that siren call. How can you clearly interpret what message the universe sends your way when your emotions messily impede the truth? You are a creature of love, light and kindness. It’s not a bad thing, but it certainly makes life tougher when the stars do not align in your favor. You must remember that try as you might, you cannot rearrange the patterns of the predetermined.
Protect yourself, dear sweet giving heart. Treat yourself with compassion. You already have these undeniable feelings, so decide to shelter your heart from further harm. It’s a lost cause, so let it go, without struggle or fear. Let your desires float away from you on the breeze softly, gently, disregarding the urge to grasp or restrain. You internalize so deeply that this seems like the end of your emotional world, but it is not. The root of your soul knows that you are strong and this is a temporary inconvenience. You will rise again and love again, better than before. May you choose wisely and may that affection go to a person who will adore you, cherish you, and willingly walk a parallel path alongside you.