I am so tired of women being told that we are unreasonable for wanting a good relationship. Standards have slipped so far that we grasp gratefully at the smallest of courtesies from a partner, and yet we are ridiculed as presumptuous when we ask for what we need. I am done. I am done settling for less than what I give. It is not unrealistic to want someone who meets me halfway.
I’ve never asked for much – I’m not at all materialistic. I don’t care about money or possessions. I want to know what’s in a person’s heart. That’s what really counts. Of course I have my imperfections, and I’m well aware of them. I’m a human – why are women so often expected to be more than that? Having imperfections does not disqualify us from deserving a good relationship. We fight against inequality at every turn and then we are told to accept whatever it is a partner is willing to give us, if they feel like it, when they feel like it.
Relationships are never perfect, and they require much hard work, dedication, and trust. That’s to be expected. What I will no longer accept is the idea that I am too demanding for wanting an equal, loving, honest partnership. If participating in the effort of a relationship is too much for someone, they should not be so selfish as to bring another person into their life romantically. It seems that many want to have their cake and eat it too.
If we expect anything to change, we have to stand up for ourselves and stop accepting crumbs. We are only going to get what we demand – we have put up with too much for too long, and now subpar treatment is all anyone is willing to give. I’m done extending the benefit of the doubt and trying to be the “cool girl”. That’s a fantasy driven by those who don’t want to put real effort into a relationship, something they can fall back on when they need to blame you for their behavior. If we needy bitches were only more cool, more chill! Oh yes, if only. How nice that would be for all the crappy people in the world who are selfish, inconsiderate, and non-committal.
If I sound like I’m angry, I am. We should all be fed up at the societal expectations of us that have dragged on for ages, shifting only in form but not in their function of keeping females down. Creating a wave of change will not be easy. Men are accustomed to the patriarchy, and the force of women beginning to assert their equality does not sit well with them. Many literally do not know how to react, but unfortunately it is often with dismissive and defensive behavior.
We must remember that this is not our problem. We need to stop apologizing all the time for our apparent audacity in simply asking to exist on this planet and own our needs, wants and rights. We are not difficult. We are not high-maintenance. We are not too much. Many of us are conditioned by our upbringing, our surroundings, and the people in our lives to believe that we are. It takes effort to change this mindset, but we must begin now. There is no time to waste.
I do not want a fairytale. What I do want is a partner who loves, respects, appreciates, and understands me. I only desire an equal return of the effort I give to those I love. In my opinion, that’s what most women want – simply someone who is good to us and meets us halfway. It’s not too much to ask. Stop trying to gaslight us into believing that it is. We are sick and tired of the bullshit.
(Originally published on ThoughtCatalog.com)