Sometimes it feels like it would be easier if you never met them at all.
If you hadn’t met them, you wouldn’t know what it’s like to lose them. What it’s like to know the way they feel, smell, and move, and then force yourself to try and forget it. You wouldn’t be hurting so deeply just because you have to fill the empty space in your life that they left behind.
It’s valid to feel this way. You’re in pain and you wish more than anything not to be. It can be incredibly excruciating to lose someone not because you’ve stopped loving them, but because it’s just not working. You’re allowed to experience every single emotion that’s coursing through your body, no matter how quickly, no matter how much they might contradict each other. It’s all real and it matters.
Remember this. Remember that no matter how painful everything feels in this moment, it will get better. It always gets better. Think back to your past experiences and remind yourself of how you thought that old hurt, too, would never end. Focus on how wonderful it felt to heal, to find happiness again, to realize that you finally no longer cared. That you could remember the person who once broke your heart and feel no regret over what transpired between you. Remember how good it feels to get over it and wish them nothing but happiness for their future … even though that future isn’t with you.
It doesn’t make the pain any easier in the moment, but you have to keep going with the knowledge that it absolutely will get better someday.
Take all the love and effort you poured into your relationship and pour it back into yourself. Nurture your health and give yourself time to heal, to find your way back to who you are. It will not be easy, but you owe this to yourself.
The truth is, maybe it would technically be easier if you had never met them. You could live in ignorant bliss of the joy and then eventual heartbreak they’d give you. The lows wouldn’t exist if you’d never felt the highs … but you can’t go through your entire life that way. What’s the point of living if you aren’t growing and changing?
So breathe – just breathe, let your emotions run their course, and be kind to yourself. You deserve the love that you’ve been giving everyone else. Keep it for yourself for a change. Your beautiful heart deserves nourishment.
(Originally published by Thought Catalog)