I cannot stop hating my body.
Fuck, how I want to be
That proud, free, careless woman
Showing it all without a thought
Never apologizing for my skin
My rolls, my lines, my folds
And I’m not.
I’m not there.
And I want to love myself for that too
To embrace and give kindness
The sweet nurturing my own mother withheld
Sending me into adolescence
With the curse I’d never forget – “You’re fat”
And to this day, I am
No matter how my body looks
To this day, I am fat
In my mind.
In the tender marrow of my center.
In the sad eyes of that little girl
Steeling herself against the hurt
Never let them see they’re killing your spirit
I’m not strong.
I’m just a survivor.
With the inner being of a stunted girl
And the body of a middle-aged suburbanite.
How the fuck.