My Feminism Is None Of Your Business

The word “feminism” gets thrown about and misused frequently.  The movement itself is also misunderstood, misappropriated, and maligned – much like any underdog throughout history trying to rise up above the bullshit.  

The literal dictionary definition of feminism is “the advocacy of women’s rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes”.  That’s it.  No matter what anyone says, it’s not about man hating.  It’s not about women ruling over men – though honestly, why shouldn’t we get a turn at it?  Men have had the power for what feels like eternity.  It’s hilarious to me that after all these years of the patriarchy, anyone has the audacity to bristle at the idea of women desiring equality with men.  How appalling, indeed. 

It is unfortunate that there are those out there who misuse feminism for undesirable motives, but it happens with everything in this world.  To damn the entire cause because of a few outliers is laughable.  

The best part about displaying my feminism openly is that everyone has an opinion about it.  It’s incredible that so many people feel comfortable judging me and telling me who I am based on one facet of my being – and one that is completely inarguable.  If anyone can honestly say to me that they do not believe women should be on an equal level with men, I immediately disqualify them as having no relevant input at all.  The irony is that this is part of what feminism is all about – fighting the desire of others, particularly men, to assign us their own idea of what a woman should be. 

I have an idea – if anyone has a problem with my feminism, stay away from it.  That should be quite simple, right?  The fact is that they don’t want to back off because those who oppose feminism are so afraid of the the strength of women that they come at us head on.  Why else would they even bother?  I don’t impose my views on others, I just live my life in my own truth.  There is no reason for anyone to care unless they either feel threatened by me as a presence or they want to impose their views on me.  

Truthfully, if a person is against feminism – if they really believe that women should not be equal with men – I want absolutely nothing to do with that person.  I want them as far away from me as possible.  We women are fed up and I refuse to hide my feelings to maintain a status quo that is unjust, unfair, and horribly outdated.  

Every time I put the world “feminism” in the title of my writing, there is a social media troll backlash, and I expect nothing less this time.  I don’t care.  The point is that we aren’t going away, we aren’t backing down, and we aren’t going to put up with this shit anymore.  The haters can get over it, and if they don’t like it, that’s their problem.  All I want is to be treated like a human being on equal footing with any other person.  Maybe they should try meeting that idea with consideration instead of vitriol, defensiveness, and small-mindedness. Their insecurity is showing.  

(Originally published on Thought Catalog)

Women Don’t Want A Fairytale – But We Do Know Our Worth

I am so tired of women being told that we are unreasonable for wanting a good relationship.  Standards have slipped so far that we grasp gratefully at the smallest of courtesies from a partner, and yet we are ridiculed as presumptuous when we ask for what we need.  I am done.  I am done settling for less than what I give. It is not unrealistic to want someone who meets me halfway.

I’ve never asked for much – I’m not at all materialistic.  I don’t care about money or possessions.  I want to know what’s in a person’s heart.  That’s what really counts.  Of course I have my imperfections, and I’m well aware of them.  I’m a human – why are women so often expected to be more than that?  Having imperfections does not disqualify us from deserving a good relationship.  We fight against inequality at every turn and then we are told to accept whatever it is a partner is willing to give us, if they feel like it, when they feel like it.

Relationships are never perfect, and they require much hard work, dedication, and trust.  That’s to be expected.  What I will no longer accept is the idea that I am too demanding for wanting an equal, loving, honest partnership.  If participating in the effort of a relationship is too much for someone, they should not be so selfish as to bring another person into their life romantically.  It seems that many want to have their cake and eat it too.

If we expect anything to change, we have to stand up for ourselves and stop accepting crumbs.  We are only going to get what we demand – we have put up with too much for too long, and now subpar treatment is all anyone is willing to give.  I’m done extending the benefit of the doubt and trying to be the “cool girl”.  That’s a fantasy driven by those who don’t want to put real effort into a relationship, something they can fall back on when they need to blame you for their behavior.  If we needy bitches were only more cool, more chill!  Oh yes, if only.  How nice that would be for all the crappy people in the world who are selfish, inconsiderate, and non-committal.  

If I sound like I’m angry, I am.  We should all be fed up at the societal expectations of us that have dragged on for ages, shifting only in form but not in their function of keeping females down.  Creating a wave of change will not be easy.  Men are accustomed to the patriarchy, and the force of women beginning to assert their equality does not sit well with them.  Many literally do not know how to react, but unfortunately it is often with dismissive and defensive behavior.  

We must remember that this is not our problem.  We need to stop apologizing all the time for our apparent audacity in simply asking to exist on this planet and own our needs, wants and rights.  We are not difficult.  We are not high-maintenance.  We are not too much.  Many of us are conditioned by our upbringing, our surroundings, and the people in our lives to believe that we are.  It takes effort to change this mindset, but we must begin now.  There is no time to waste.  

I do not want a fairytale.  What I do want is a partner who loves, respects, appreciates, and understands me.  I only desire an equal return of the effort I give to those I love.  In my opinion, that’s what most women want – simply someone who is good to us and meets us halfway.  It’s not too much to ask.  Stop trying to gaslight us into believing that it is.  We are sick and tired of the bullshit.  

(Originally published on ThoughtCatalog.com)